The following was typed out as a Facebook status feed; while waking up and stumbling my way through the nightmare that is the Window's 10 inaugural boot up with all the useless crap running.
... Fuck Windows 10...
~Am not even awake yet, and am insanely mad and hungry and confused; all because of Windows 10...
It is making me dizzy...
~I hate this goddamn CIA operative motherfucking pig ass operating system from Hell...
~HOW DO I MAKE THE SPANISH WOMEN NOT SPY ON ME SO I CAN GET THAT RAM BACK?
~HOW MANY FIRE WALL TURN OFF BUTTONS ARE THERE HIDDEN IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER?
~Based on Windows 10's retarded amount of security features; I'm guessing the average Microsoft employee won't have sex with their own spouse, without having put on five condoms, layered over one another, first...
~Average Microsoft employees enjoying alone time with their spouse:
Can't have enough security.
~Still cannot find uninstall menu
~Found it... Had to use this 'search function' thing...
~Still no idea where it actually is...
~Still don't know how to get start menu back...
~Windows 10 is the hipster of O/S...
It's utterly useless, has zero function, shouldn't have been born, should have been aborted, should have been eaten as a soup instead in some sketchy back ally Chinese restaurant that serves tiger penis as well; it's flashy; and has a lot of useless colours and bobbles all over it; and clearly no engineers had anything to do with it's development, just a bunch of Andy Warhold wanna be fucktards; who wouldn't know the first thing about function over fashion, if their miserable, deluded little hipster lives depended on it...
I'm just glad Microsoft hasn't taken over the fishing rod market...
~Seems to takes several seconds to load anything; even when saving a picture there is a long delay and a loading icon to bring up the save file dialoge window.
Oh and you got to buy a shit load of the programs that used to come with Windows for free; like their half retarded DVD player for 15 bucks; that doesn't do nearly anything VLC player does... For free...
Even Solitaire is up for sale now... I don't play it ever, but that is ridiculous...
The only thing that kept me calm and not on the edge of killing myself to avoid the experience of dealing with Windows 10 'security apps'; was a cat to pat the whole time, and Brian Eno playing calming music; the same Brian Eno it turns out as my friend Joe points out; wrote the original Windows intro music song we all love; which in Joe's opinion was to ".,.specifically to calm people down before they had to deal with Windows..."
Final Rating:
Pig shit out of of a possible 10 stars.
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